I'm officially beginning to feel the pressure of upcoming finals. They start in 1 week! OK. Have to have a plan: since the family garage sale that was scheduled for the next two days (Fri & Sat) was canceled (hallelujah!) due to ominous weather reports (thunderstorms!), that won't be taking up all my valuable study time. Thank goodness! So, will have next two days to devote some serious time to my reviews/studies.
Finals at Palmer always start one day after an official "Study Day," which happens to be, for this trimester (we have 3 terms per year: March, July, October; so: TRImesters, not SEmesters), or "tri" as we shorten it, on Thursday (always a Thursday), June 10th. So finals start on Friday, June 11th.
I'm hoping to have enough organization and discipline to get some quality study time in before the first one next Friday, which is Endocrinology, which I'm re-taking because I wasn't able to devote the time to it last term that I needed to (was re-taking 3 courses last term & needed to focus on passing those for certain). Since I'm not sure what my most recent grade was on the last exam, I am planning to just review and drill the unique traits of the hormones & the syndromes/disorders into my brain to prepare. It is fascinating material and I love that it is so intertwined. It really makes me appreciate how complicated & wonderful the human body is!
OK, to address the fact that I re-took 3 courses last term because I know some will be wondering "WHY?" I am going to be brutally honest in this blog and really lay out the reality that Palmer has been for me. Here are some of the "labels" you might give me: "mother," "student," "friend," "daughter," "wife." I have many roles to juggle and I confess that I don't always do it as well as some. Let's start from the beginning so that you might better understand the "WHY?"
I began Palmer in July 2007. My husband & I wed 2 days before we BOTH began Palmer. One week after starting Palmer, I found out I was pregnant. So, you see, the start was rather OVER-eventful....which would have been fine, except that I almost immediately dipped into depression and simultaneously had a wave of Oxytocin coursing through my veins. If you don't yet know, you will learn in Endocrinology that one of the results of Oxytocin is to cause decreased memory. Not terribly helpful to an incoming student to Palmer!
So, not feeling so great and having a decreased capacity for memorization (which is what most of the first year of Palmer is about) made the first two terms of school excrutiating for me. I really struggled. I ended up repeating courses because my brain could not take it all in. Now, please understand that this is just MY personal experience. There are women all over Palmer, including my amazing sister-in-law, who seemingly breeze through pregnancy & childbirth without needing to repeat a course or having issues with their memory. Some even bring their newborns to school with them for the remainder of the term they give birth in, so that they can breastfeed them on demand! I find these women very admirable and think they must be in excellent shape to handle such tasks. Hats off to the ladies w/babies!
I took the March 2008 term off to stay home with my daughter (she was born just after the term began-excellent timing!). I also worked back at an old part-time job I'd held for 10 years, to help supplement our financial needs, as one person's student loans is not what we were accustomed to living on. It was great to spend time with her and I am so happy to have had that time away from Palmer.
I resumed school in July 2008 and it was just too soon. Was really longing to be at home, to be with my baby, and just wasn't focused on school. I had my first anxiety attack that term. I remember it clearly: I was taking the 2nd exam in Biochemistry, the windows in the classroom were open, it was a hot day, and the lawn service was cutting the grass. It was loud. So loud that I absolutely could not concentrate. The words on the paper blurred. My palms were sweaty. I NEVER have sweaty palms! My eyes weren't focusing, my ears were ringing, my head ached, beads of perspiration were forming on my forehead, and I just wanted to jump up and run out of there. I stayed in my seat and completed the test the best I could, but I was a wreck. I knew I had to do something to get through the term.
I went to see my Obstetrician for the post partum checkup and told her what was happening to me. Not only the anxiety, but also the depression was worsening. Since I had weaned my daughter, Delaney, from the breast, I felt that maybe it was time to explore treatment that I previously wouldn't have considered. She gave me a prescription and instructions. It helped the anxiety almost immediately. It took about 3 weeks to start making an inroad into my depression. Once it did, I felt like I could function better and that I didn't need to feel bad or sleep so much (was sleeping quite a bit-just felt exhausted, like I couldn't handle it all).
I finished out that July tri and decided that I needed time off from Palmer again. So I took the October 2008 tri off. Needed more time to get myself back to normal. Worked at temp jobs, primarily, during that time, in order to help with bills. Wasn't sure if I was cut out for Palmer after all. Really did some soul-searching. Was not the best time of my life, but it was a very informative time for me. It helped quite a bit that the Oxytocin was quieting down. I started to feel more like myself and less like things were overwhelming.
In March, I wasn't sure that I was ready to go back...I thought maybe I should continue to work for a while longer until I felt certain one way or the other. I temped at a bank (what a disaster! I'm definitely no banker! Apparently I am no teller either!) & hated every minute. My undergrad degree is in International Business and after leaving a perfect position to start Palmer, I knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to get a job in my field, in the Quad-Cities (Bettendorf & Davenport, Iowa & Moline & Rock Island, Illinois + the surrounding communities for about a 30-mile radius), during a recession.
Since I want to help people in my career/job, I landed a position with a local agency that works with a very specific population: the aged, who are low-income, who need assistance to utilize the programs that the state offers to help them out and ease their financial burdens. It was the impetus I needed to return to Palmer: four separate individuals, at different times, told me that I should be a doctor. Now, I know that does not sound like much, but it helped me to realize that I was on the right path at Palmer, and that working for that agency was just not the place where I could do the most good and have the biggest positive impact with my life. It stewed in my mind for the 6 weeks I was there. I felt horrible, like a traitor, when I gave notice that I would be leaving the position to return to Palmer, but I knew that it was the right thing for me to do. Part of me wanted to stay and keep helping assist those people in getting all the benefits for which they qualified, but I know it was time to return to Palmer to continue to pursue my education.
So, I started back to Palmer in July 2009. I'm so glad I did. I finally felt the capacity to learn and to retrieve information from my brain was back. I was no longer suffering from depression or anxiety. I felt ready to study and learn. It was definitely the right decision. Even though it has still not been an easy road (getting the gears switched from "work" to "study" hasn't been so smooth, but is better now), and I have had to repeat courses and discipline myself more, I am happy I returned.
Enough info in this post! Need to sleep so I'm ready for the 3 classes I have tomorrow morning: PNS (Peripheral Nervous System/Neuroanatomy II), Instrumentation, & Philosophy III.
No comments:
Post a Comment